“Comparison is the thief of joy.” - Theodore Roosevelt
About 10 years ago I met a girl that I’ll call Sarah. Sarah was a pretty, sweet, well put together woman a few years younger than me. She was funny and smart, and I loved interacting with her. Sarah was a new mom, like me. I liked her a lot! And then one day, Sarah started a blog. Suddenly, I didn’t like her all that much anymore. I found reasons to criticize her or ignore her. I watched her post things online with increasing bitterness in my soul. Nothing had changed in Sarah – she was still the bubbly, sweet, smart woman that I had initially met. Why did I suddenly dislike her?
In a word – ENVY. I was terribly envious of Sarah’s blog and the success she was having with it. You see, I’ve always loved writing and I’ve wanted to be a writer, too. Sarah’s success mirrored back my own perceived inadequacy and I didn’t like that one bit.
It took me many years to learn the lesson that my envy was there to teach me. About five years after I met Sarah, I started a blog of my own. Writing that blog was something I looked forward to every week. Each time I sat down at the computer, my soul felt alive.
I had been envious of Sarah’s writing because I, too, am a writer, and I wanted desperately to express that aspect of my soul in the world. As long as I wasn’t expressing that particular gift, I could only see bitterness and angst when I saw other people that were.
This lesson has given me insight into a truth about envy and its related cousin, jealousy. You can use envy and jealousy to uncover gifts you have inside of yourself.
If your life hasn’t manifested according to your wishes and you see other people who have gotten the very things you crave, it’s common for the green giant of envy to rear its ugly head. Yet, envy and jealousy can be powerful tools to point you to what you need to heal within yourself.
Many people combine the terms “jealousy” and “envy,” but though they are related, they have slightly different definitions. Both are emotions that are ruled by fear. Envy is the feeling of coveting a trait or possession that someone else has. Jealousy is the fear that something you have will be taken away.
You may have heard the expression, “You spot it, you got it!” You can apply this statement to every jealous or envious thought you have. Here’s how:
Whatever you are envious of is a sign of something inside of you that you haven’t fully expressed. If you’ve always wanted to sing on stage you may find yourself envious and bitter toward a friend who booked a paying singing gig at a local club. The envious feeling is a sign that you have a singer inside of you that needs to be nourished and expressed. Use envy to point you to those under-expressed gifts that you have to give the world, and then get to work finding ways to express those gifts, just as I eventually did in my experience with Sarah.
When you find yourself jealous of someone or something, it is a sign of fear that something will be taken from you. This usually manifests as an anxious feeling in your head, heart or belly. You can use jealousy as an indication to stop grasping so hard for tangible possessions or relationships outside of you, and instead go inward for answers. Jealousy is a signal of lack. Reach inside of yourself for the abundance that is your birthright. Understand that you already have all of the things you need and that no one can ever take away the joy, peace or love you have inside of yourself.
Theodore Roosevelt was right on the money when he said that comparison robs you of joy – but it doesn’t have to. If you can learn to leverage the envious and jealous thoughts you have in order to learn more about yourself and express yourself more fully in this world, then you can flood your life with more and more joy. Open yourself up and get curious. There is always something to learn that can help you better understand yourself and your gifts so you can create a more meaningful life for yourself.
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